20230308英语学习
创始人
2024-05-30 12:12:38
0

How to Know If You Talk Too Much
交流的艺术:话不在多,倾听为上

在这里插入图片描述

You may have heard the saying, "When you’re in love, smoke gets in your eyes."Well when you’re talking, smoke gets in your eyes and ears.Once you’re on a roll, it’s very easy to not notice that you’ve worn out your welcome.

You may not even realize that the other person is politely trying to get a word in, or subtly signaling that they need to be elsewhere (possibly, anywhere else if you have been really boring).

There are three stages of speaking to other people.In the first stage, you’re on task, relevant and concise.But then you unconsciously discover that the more you talk, the more you feel relief.Ahh, so wonderful and tension-relieving for you… but not so much fun for the receiver.This is the second stage – when it feels so good to talk, you don’t even notice the other person is not listening.

The third stage occurs after you have lost track of what you were saying and begin to realize you might need to reel the other person back in.If during the third stage of this monologue poorly disguised as a conversation you unconsciously sense that the other person is getting a bit fidgety, guess what happens then?

Why does this happen?First, the very simple reason that all human beings have a hunger to be listened to.But second, because the process of talking about ourselves releases dopamine, the pleasure hormone.One of the reasons gabby people keep gabbing is because they become addicted to that pleasure.

Not long after my book, Just Listen, came out, I too succumbed to ignoring signs that I had started to annoy my friend and fellow coach, Marty Nemko.

He and I have been coaching each other for some time.He hit a nerve when he told me, “Mark, for an expert on listening, you need to talk less and listen more.”

After I recovered from the embarrassment, he pointed out a nifty strategy that I have been using.It’s helping me and it might help you.

Nemko calls it the Traffic Light Rule.He says it works better when talking with most people, especially with Type A personalities, who tend to be less patient.

In the first 20 seconds of talking, your light is green: your listener is liking you, as long as your statement is relevant to the conversation and hopefully in service of the other person.But unless you are an extremely gifted raconteur, people who talk for more than roughly half minute at a time are boring and often perceived as too chatty.

So the light turns yellow for the next 20 seconds — now the risk is increasing that the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you’re long-winded.At the 40-second mark, your light is red.Yes, there’s an occasional time you want to run that red light and keep talking, but the vast majority of the time, you’d better stop or you’re in danger.

Nemko says that following the Traffic Light Rule is just the first step in keeping you from talking too much.It’s also important to determine your underlying motivation for talking so much.

Is it that it just feels good to go on and on and get more stuff off your chest?

Do you talk to clarify your thinking?Or do you talk because you often have to listen to other people, and when you’ve found someone who will let you have the microphone you just can’t help yourself?

Whatever the cause, filibustering is usually a conversational turn-off, and may result in both of you deteriorating into alternating monologues.And that certainly will do little to move the conversation or your relationship forward.

Finally, remember that even 20 seconds of talking can be a turn off if you don’t include the other person in the conversation.To avoid that, ask questions, try to build on what they say, and look for ways to include them in the conversation so it is a genuine dialogue.

相关内容

热门资讯

安卓系统用的华为应用,探索智能... 你知道吗?在安卓系统里,华为的应用可是个宝库呢!它们不仅功能强大,而且使用起来超级方便。今天,就让我...
安卓变ios系统魅蓝 你知道吗?最近有个朋友突然告诉我,他要把自己的安卓手机换成iOS系统,而且还是魅蓝品牌的!这可真是让...
幻书启世录安卓系统,安卓世界中... 亲爱的读者们,你是否曾在某个夜晚,被一本神奇的书所吸引,仿佛它拥有着穿越时空的力量?今天,我要带你走...
电脑安装安卓系统进不去,安卓系... 电脑安装安卓系统后竟然进不去,这可真是让人头疼的问题啊!你是不是也遇到了这种情况,心里直呼“怎么办怎...
用键盘切换控制安卓系统,畅享安... 你有没有想过,用键盘来控制你的安卓手机?是的,你没听错,就是那个我们每天敲敲打打的小玩意儿——键盘。...
小米安卓镜像系统在哪,小米安卓... 你有没有想过,你的小米手机里有一个隐藏的宝藏——安卓镜像系统?没错,就是那个可以让你的手机瞬间变身成...
安卓手机下载排班系统,高效排班... 你有没有想过,每天忙碌的工作中,有没有什么好帮手能帮你轻松管理时间呢?今天,就让我来给你介绍一个超级...
桌面组件如何弄安卓系统,桌面组... 亲爱的桌面爱好者们,你是否曾梦想过将安卓系统搬到你的电脑桌面上?想象那些流畅的动画、丰富的应用,还有...
安卓13系统介绍视频,新功能与... 亲爱的读者们,你是否对安卓13系统充满好奇?想要一探究竟,却又苦于没有足够的时间去研究?别担心,今天...
车机安卓7.1系统,功能升级与... 你有没有发现,现在的车机系统越来越智能了?尤其是那些搭载了安卓7.1系统的车机,简直就像是个贴心的智...
安卓系统下如何读pdf,And... 你有没有遇到过这种情况:手机里存了一大堆PDF文件,可是怎么也找不到一个能顺畅阅读的工具?别急,今天...
安卓系统全国通用的吗,畅享智能... 你有没有想过,为什么你的手机里装的是安卓系统呢?安卓系统,这个名字听起来是不是有点神秘?今天,就让我...
假苹果手机8安卓系统,颠覆传统... 你有没有想过,如果苹果手机突然变成了安卓系统,会是怎样的景象呢?想象那熟悉的苹果外观,却运行着安卓的...
安卓12.0系统vivo有吗,... 你有没有听说最近安卓系统又升级啦?没错,就是那个让手机焕然一新的安卓12.0系统!那么,咱们国内的手...
核心芯片和安卓系统,探索核心芯... 你知道吗?在科技的世界里,有一对“黄金搭档”正悄悄改变着我们的生活。他们就是——核心芯片和安卓系统。...
如何调安卓系统屏幕颜色,安卓系... 亲爱的手机控们,你是否曾觉得安卓系统的屏幕颜色不够个性,或者是因为长时间盯着屏幕而感到眼睛疲劳?别担...
旧台式电脑安装安卓系统,轻松安... 你那台旧台式电脑是不是已经服役多年,性能逐渐力不从心,却又不忍心让它退役呢?别急,今天就来教你怎么给...
美国要求关闭安卓系统,科技霸权... 美国要求关闭安卓系统:一场技术革新还是政治博弈?在数字化时代,智能手机已经成为我们生活中不可或缺的一...
安卓系统日记本 你有没有发现,手机里的安卓系统日记本,简直就是记录生活点滴的宝藏库呢?想象每天忙碌的生活中,有没有那...
安卓手机广告最少的系统,探索安... 你有没有发现,用安卓手机的时候,广告总是无处不在,让人烦得要命?不过别急,今天我要给你揭秘一个秘密—...